TOILETING AT HOME THE MONTESSORI WAY

Toilet learning at home requires lots of preparation up front—but trust me, this will pay off big time in the end.  Here are some suggestions of how you can go about it in a way that is developmentally appropriate and supports the development of independence in your child. 

Step 1.    PREPARE THE PHYSICAL ENVIRONMENT

• bathroom is easily accessed with a toilet seat on top or a potty (easier with toilet seat)
• pieces of toilet paper folded to make a wipe in a container near the toilet--child takes one piece at a time
•  hamper for soiled clothes
• dressing stool/bench
• basket of clean underwear
• accessible sink with soap and hand towel/paper towels cut so child can take one at a time
• wastebasket
• step stool if needed to reach sink or toilet seat
• optional full-length mirror to help child see steps in dressing process
•  high shelf with all the things the adult will need to clean the child.

Step 2:    INTRODUCE THE PROCESS

1. Pick a day to start and prepare the environment with everything needed.
2. As soon as child awakens, take them to toilet and announce, "Today you are going 
    to start using the toilet." 
3. Name all the items that will be in the toileting area: 

•        hamper for soiled clothes 
•        clean underwear basket 
•        step stool 
•        toilet paper/wipes 
•        hand soap hand towel 

4. Help the child remove their underwear by showing how to put thumbs inside of 

    waistband on each side and push down--work with them to push the underwear 

    down to the knees.  

5. Have the child sit on the dressing stool/bench and remove feet one at a time from 

    underwear.  

6. Indicate (name and point to hamper for soiled clothes) where to place soiled 

    underwear and invite child to do it (do for them if they don't want to, because now 

    is not the time for power struggle). 

7. Indicate that the toilet seat is where child will sit and have them sit.  

8. Allow time for child to settle then indicate that if they feel pressure in the bladder 

    that means it's urine and they can push it out into the toilet.  (Note that it will take 

    time for them to get used to the idea of the bladder being full and what that means).  

9. If they urinate, ask them to move to the dressing area while you empty (if using a 

     potty) or flush.  

10. Indicate the toilet paper and show how to use. (The toilet paper is separated into 

      sheets of three that are folded in thirds and then in half; place a stack of 

      alternating pieces in a basket or small tub on top of the toilet tank or on a shelf 

      within reach of the toilet.  The child is not getting toilet paper from the roll.) 

Fig. 2 toilet paper showing fold lines

Fig. 1 folded and ready for use

11. Indicate the clean underwear container and invite the child to choose a pair.  

12. Show how to put on by first indicating the two holes, one for the left foot and one 

      for the right; place the underwear on floor front facing up; encourage the child to 

      hold the sides at the waist with thumbs and put in one foot at a time in each hole.  

13. Once the feet are in, ask child to pull up to knees, then stand and grasp underwear 

      in front and pull up; say, "You will pull up the front and I will pull up the back."  

      Work together to do it.  

14. Go to sink and help child wash hands.  

15. Indicate that there will be many opportunities throughout the day to use the toilet 

      and they can use it whenever they want.  

16. Repeat the full process:  every hour while child is awake (can also do 30-minute 

      intervals depending on the child). when the child messes themself

Convenient times to take child to toilet:

• after waking 
• after a meal
• before going outside
• when changing clothes
• before a bath
• between play activities
• just before bed

A WORD ABOUT CLOTHING...

Clothing is an important part of this process and the right clothing is critical if we wan the child to be successful.  When we talk about clothing, we this covers everything from underwear to outerwear and requires careful consideration and preparation as with everything else in this process.  The following types of clothing are recommended as they facilitate the development of independence without frustrating the child.

Underwear
Underwear needs to be made from natural fibers that are soft and comfortable and allow the skin to breathe.  In this way, moisture is not trapped against the skin which can lead to rashes and discomfort.  The size of the underwear is also important--needs to be one size larger than what fits to account for shrinkage when wet (think about trying to take off a wet swimsuit).  
 
The underwear should be easy for the child to pull up and down and not too tight nor too loose in the waist.  It's also easier for the child to take things off independently than it is for them to put things on.  Which is why taking clothes off independently comes before being able to put them on.  Thinner underwear gives more feedback to the child than, thicker underwear.
 
T-Shirts
T-shirts (no dresses, skirts, onesies) at least not while this process is going on.  These should fit over the head easily and not be too long that they get in the way of the child eliminating.  No snaps or buttons at the neck.
 
Pants 
These should be easy to pull on with elastic waists--short pants work best. Long pants that are loose and not tapered at the bottom can also be used.  No snaps, zippers, buttons, belts or suspenders--these just make the process more difficult.

TOILETING DO'S AND DONT'S

Do...

• bear in mind this is a step your child is capable of making and is a normal process humans go through
• understand this is a process that takes time and requires a positive attitude.
• avoid power struggles by having zero expectations and be prepared to collaborate more in the beginning
• before starting, invite the child to observe you when using the bathroom.
• think about the child's diet and fluid intake and its impact on elimination.

Don't...

• bribe the child ("if you go to the bathroom then we'll go to the park").  We want the child to understand that elimination is something they do because their body needs to.
• let child play with any of the items in the area, nor play with the toilet or the sink
• entertain the child while they are on the toilet (they need to focus on tuning into their body, not ignoring it).
• force the child to sit on the toilet.
• make the child feel like they are pleasing us by doing this-it's not about us, it's about them.

IF THE CHILD RESISTS…

When this happens, very calmly let child know that you have the same expectations--they are expected to sit on the toilet.  Be very matter of fact and help them undress, have their bottom touch the toilet briefly then pull underwear back up. Be open to the fact that the child may at any moment decide to participate and allow them to do so without chastising.  They may be tired or hungry or angry with you for some reason--and this is all very normal.  Maintain your calm and say, "Perhaps next time you will have some urine to push out"and try again later.  The important thing is consistency in the routine which will give the opportunity for the child to have control over the process and from that empowerment will come success.

 

OTHER THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND

• every time the child urinates or defecates, even if it's just a little bit, we need to change them as soon as possible so they don't get comfortable being in the mess.
• if the child is already walking, we clean them standing up, using the wall or our shoulder for support--we don't lay them down.
• as the child gets older and better able to communicate their elimination, they do so in a three-step process: 
• They tell the adult that they have wet themselves. 
• As awareness increases, the child will then start to tell the adult that they are going (will see them trying to hold themself with their hands or cross their legs, or "dance").  
• they will reach full awareness where they can tell the adult before they have to go
• control of urination usually comes first, followed by defecation and lastly, control through the night/through sleep.  
• to help with bedwetting during the night/sleep, start decreasing the amount of liquids the child takes in before bed; take the child to the bathroom immediately before going to bed and upon waking up; you can also wake the child up to use the toilet just before you go to bed; use layers of rubberized flannel and fitted sheets (about 3) to cover the mattress to make cleaning up nighttime bedwetting easier--the less stress you as a parent feels, the more success the child will have; can also consider keeping a potty in the child's room if there is not a bathroom.
• if your house has multiple levels, you will need to prepare a bathroom on each level.

TOILETING ON THE GO

1.    In the beginning, don't venture out too far--start with short outings and gradually 

       work up.
2.    Invite child to sit on toilet before leaving the house.
3.    Use the thicker training pants.
4.    Protect the car seat with a folded towel or pad.
5.    Indicate that there is a bathroom at each place you stop and invite child to see if 

        they need to use it.
6.    Pack extra clothes.
7.    Take a bag for soiled clothes.
8.    Don't be fearful when using public restrooms--child needs to understand how to 

       use them as well.
9.    Keep on hand a spray bottle of hydrogen peroxide or biodegradable disinfecting 

       wipes to clean public toilet seats before use so child feels more comfortable.
10. Take a potty with you to keep in the car.
 

A final reminder...
It is your attitude towards this process and your level of preparedness of the routine and the environment that will determine the level of success the child achieves; therefore, it is important that you are psychologically prepared for everything that will need to be done before you start and that you carefully prepare the environment as well.  The good news, however, is that this approach is very successful at helping the child gain independence in this area with minimum stress on you or the child.  I wish you success!

SOURCES

      1.    Vidales, Dora. AMI 0-3 Trainer lecture notes. 2023
2.    Orion, Judi. AMI 0-3 Trainer lecture notes. 2008
3.    Rosemond, John. “Toilet training time may need rethinking“.  Houston Chronicle, Jan 28, 2000
4.    Moudry, Sarah.  Toilet Awareness. 2021.

 

Rhonda Lucas-Sabater is an AMI Auxiliary Trainer at the Primary (3-6) level.  She is the mother of five Montessori children and the co-founder of a public charter Montessori school in Washington, DC.  She is also AMI trained at the Assistants to Infancy (O-3), Primary  (3-6), and Elementary (6-12) levels and is an AMI certified Adolescent guide. She currently works in Maryland in a Young Children's Community (0-3).